Drowning
by Song of Shadow
Summary: Marinette fought Hawkmoth's influence, but it was like swimming in a storm. The waves crashed over her, filling her lungs with water with every breath she took. She fought it, but it was a losing battle. She felt herself slipping beneath the surface, drained of her ability to fight, willing to drown just to calm the storm.
1. The Storm

**AN: Hi everyone! I'm super excited to be releasing my first story! (Well, I'm calling it my first story. I've actually got several more ideas bouncing around, some that I've already written down, and even one that I was planning to release first, but this one is shorter, so I'm posting it first.) This story is dedicated to Mad Jazzer, for encouraging me to write. (He knows what I mean.)**

Marinette stealthily stalked, er, watched Adrien during his photo shoot. Since she had memorized his schedule, she knew that this was the last activity he had for the day, meaning that his entire afternoon was free! Alya had made sure that Nino couldn't hang out that day, "reminding" him that he already had plans with her. Of course, they had no such plans, but with Nino out of the way, there was absolutely nothing standing between Marinette and a whole afternoon with _Adrien!_ Nothing except for Marinette herself, that is. As the photo shoot ended and the photographer left, Marinette forced herself to approach the dreamy, handsome, _perfect_ teen model, but quickly forgot the rest of her plan when he turned his gaze on her.

"Hi, Marinette."

 _Gah! He spoke to me! Me! He said my name! Adrien said my name! Oh, he's still speaking. What's he saying?_ With difficulty, she managed to turn her thoughts away from merely basking in his presence to what he was saying to her.

"-out?"

 _He wants to go out with me? Squee! No wait, he wants to hang out. That's what I'm here for. Eek! No wait, what if he told me to 'get out'? I'm already outside, so that doesn't make sense. Unless he means that he wants me to leave?! Oh, why didn't I pay attention to what he was saying?_

Adrien scratched the back of his neck nervously. He really didn't want to head back to his mansion if he didn't have to, but with Nino busy with Alya, he didn't have anything better to do. Marinette was a great friend, and he knew that she could be great to hang around, but for some reason she never wanted to spend any length of time with him, or even talk to him. Even so, he was really hoping that she would agree to hang out, although, gauging by the expressions on her face, the chances of that were slim.

"It's okay if you don't want to. I mean, you probably had other plans, anyway."

"I - You - You're great - I mean, you're right - I mean, yes - no wait, no - I mean - Gah! I, uh, have to go. I, um, have to help my parents! Bye!" Marinette made a quick escape, dashing around a corner before stopping in a park.

"Video games in my room, it is." Adrien sighed before walking towards his house, which was in the same direction.

 _Gah! Why did I turn Adrien down! He obviously wanted to hang out! That was exactly what I wanted! I didn't mean to say no, it just came out! Oh, why can't I talk normally around Adrien! I'm such a failure!_ She plopped on a bench, gasping as a sharp corner dug into her side from inside her bag. Opening up her bag, she pulled out the offending box, which had treats from her parents' bakery in it. She had remembered how much Adrien enjoyed her dad's cooking, and had brought the treats as a sort of gift for him. _Well, that didn't work out. Why am I such a coward!_ she thought bitterly.

In a dark room somewhere in Paris, a window slowly opened, revealing a figure reveling in these circumstances. "Ah, self-loathing and despair. Perfect conditions for my akuma to thrive!" A pure white butterfly landed in his palm, where he cupped it with his other hand, infusing it with dark energy. "Fly away, my little akuma, and evilise her!"

Marinette continued to berate herself as she clutched the box. Tikki longed to comfort her, but the park was too crowded to risk leaving Marinette's bag. Suddenly a purple butterfly landed on the box, sinking into it and infusing it with the same dark energy it was filled with. Marinette gasped as she felt Hawkmoth's influence surround her. "Deafener, I am Hawkmoth. For far too long, you have been unable to speak to your love. I give you the power to make him hear you, in return for two small items."

Adrien rounded the corner and slowly walked through the park, being in no hurry to get home. He saw Marinette sitting on a bench, clutching some kind of box. _Huh, that's weird. I thought she had to help her parents?_ While he recognized Marinette's... difficulties with spending time with him, he didn't think she disliked him so much that she would make up excuses just to avoid him. Suddenly he saw a purple butterfly land on her box, and saw Hawkmoth's signature around her face. _Oh no, not Marinette!_ Marinette was one of the nicest people he knew, and had so far managed to avoid being akumatized. He had rather been hoping that it wouldn't happen. "Plagg, I need to transform!"

Plagg poked his head out of Adrien's jacket. "That's fine by me, but are you sure you want to transform in front of all these people?"

"Oh, sure, _now_ you're okay with transforming, the one time I can't?" Adrien sighed. Plagg was right: the same crowd that was giving Tikki a hard time earlier would surely be interested in watching Adrien Agreste turn into Cat Noir. He saw an alley that would do as a hiding place, but he would need to pass Marinette to get to it. _Oh well, let's just hope that she's too distracted to notice me..._

Marinette fought Hawkmoth's influence, but it was like swimming in a storm. The waves crashed over her, filling her lungs with water with every breath she took. She fought it, but it was a losing battle. She felt herself slipping beneath the surface, drained of her ability to fight, willing to drown just to calm the storm. Suddenly, she felt a presence calming her and the sea, and giving her the strength to keep fighting. _Tikki_ , she thought gratefully, recognizing the presence.

"No," she said with conviction.

"What!" Hawkmoth blustered. "What do you mean, no? No one's ever said no to me before!"

"Then it's high time someone did." With Tikki's powers negating that of the Moth Miraculous, it was a battle of wills between Marinette and Hawkmoth himself, and Marinette wasn't planning on losing. She was Ladybug, after all! There was nothing that could shake her determination... and then she saw Adrien.

Sensing a weakness, Hawkmoth pushed harder. "You know that without my powers, you will never be able to speak to him. You need me!"

The problem was, Marinette _wanted_ to give in to Hawkmoth. She _wanted_ to be able to speak to Adrien, and she knew that what Hawkmoth said was true: without a "push," she wasn't going to be able to talk to Adrien. Her unfaltering devotion to Adrien made her willing to overlook small details, such as the fact that Hawkmoth was an evil villain who wanted nothing more than to destroy Ladybug. And to take her miraculous. Oh yeah, and the fact that _she_ was Ladybug, and already had Ladybug's miraculous.

"N-no," she repeated, but it was much weaker this time. The wind started blowing again, the waves started crashing, and she was once more drowning in Hawkmoth's poison. Hawkmoth knew he had her weakness, and continued pushing Marinette, until she finally grew tired of fighting, of clinging to Tikki's presence, and gave up.

Adrien had stopped in amazement just short of the alley he was heading for. _Marinette said no! She actually stood up to Hawkmoth!_ "Plagg, did you see that?"

"See what?" the kwamii groaned. "All I can see is the inside of your jacket, which is distinctly lacking in camembert, by the way."

"Marinette just turned Hawkmoth down!" Adrien said excitedly, ignoring Plagg's mood. "I didn't even know that was possible!"

That got Plagg's attention. "Hmm, theoretically, it is possible if they want to avoid being akumatized badly enough. That would take a pretty bad miscalculation on Hawkmoth's part, though. Usually he only sends an akuma when he has something they can't resist." The kwamii quickly poked his head out again to get a better look. "See, she's not in the clear yet, kid. Hawkmoth hasn't given up yet, and until he does, she might still be akumatized."

That's when Marinette looked up, straight into Adrien's eyes. With clear anguish on her face, and tears rolling down her cheeks, she spoke. It may have been a whisper, but Adrien could hear it as clearly as if she had yelled.

"Yes, Hawkmoth."

 **Well, I hope you guys enjoyed! Please let me know what you think!**


	2. The Calm

**AN: I'm so sorry that it took me so long to update! I was working through some things, and I just wasn't in the right headspace to write this. (That or I was just being lazy...) I also apologize in advance for the poor akuma description.**

 **Oh, yeah, I don't own this show. Although, if you thought I did, I must say, I'm flattered.**

Marinette was wrong before. Earlier, when she was resisting Hawkmoth, that wasn't drowning. That was comparable to inhaling a drop of water while taking a drink. The pain, the waves, the poison in her lungs, that was just coughing as she tried to expel the water. Irritating? Sure. Painful, even? Of course. But deadly? No. No, she had not been drowning before. This, _this_ was drowning. As she accepted Hawkmoth's offer, she lost the tenuous grip she had on Tikki, on herself, even, and sunk beneath the blackness of the waves. Panic-stricken, she tried to swim back to the surface, but she had lost all sense of direction. The more she struggled, the deeper she sank, until suddenly, the world flipped, _twisted_ in ways it was never supposed to go. Suddenly, she could breathe in the water, see in the darkness, and the chaos of the storm made _sense._ It occurred to her, why was she even trying to leave the water? Everything she needed was right here. _Adrien_ was right here. A small niggling in the back of her mind told her that this was wrong, that she should fight it, but she dismissed it.

"Good girl, Deafener." Hawkmoth's voice crooned in her head. "Now go, get your love. But remember, when the time comes, you must repay this favor."

The warning bells returned. _Hawkmoth_ _ _is__ _ _ _bad,___ _ _ _ _isn't____ _ _ _ _ _he?_____ She choked on the water momentarily, desperate for some real air, before dismissing the thought again. _No,_ _ _he's__ _ _ _helping___ _ _ _ _me.____ _ _ _ _ _Of course I_____ _ _ _ _ _ _can______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _help_______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _him________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _back._________

Adrien watched in horror as Marinette gave in to Hawkmoth. Perhaps it was Hawkmoth mocking her, or her own desire to look nice for Adrien manifesting in a twisted way, but her clothes were changed into a grotesque facsimile of high fashion, with soundwave designs to match her name. (AN: I actually know little to nothing about fashion, so don't ask me what this actually looks like.) In her hand she held the box, which had transformed into a gun that looked rather like a boombox. Adrien was about to dart into the alleyway and transform, when Deafener called his name in a loud, hair-raising shriek. Adrien winced; she actually sounded surprisingly similar to Chloe. _Oh, I doubt she would be happy to hear that,_ Adrien thought with a small grin, knowing how Marinette practically despised Chloe.

"Adrien!" she repeated. "Guess what? We get to spend the whole day together! Isn't that great?" She grabbed his wrist and pulled him away from the alley.

 _Well, so much for that_. "Yeah, that would be great, Marinette, but I'm actually kind of busy," he said nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "I, uh, have a Chinese lesson, and you know how my father gets when I miss something." It was a flimsy excuse, but it wasn't like Marinette would know his schedule. _He_ only knew his daily schedule because Nathalie would give it to him at breakfast.

 _Marinette_. When Adrien said her name, it was like fresh air in her lungs, a calm in her storm. She smiled briefly; having Adrien say her name just felt so _right._ But no, she realized with a frown, she didn't breathe air, and the storm couldn't stop, and everything that was right was just so wrong. She felt a sudden burst of anger that Adrien would dare to remind her of this, this _wrongness_ , but no, this was Adrien. She couldn't be mad at Adrien. He was perfect. She smiled at him.

"Call me Deafener," she said, with just the slightest hint of steel in her voice. She softened her tone. "And no, silly, you don't have a Chinese lesson. Your whole afternoon is free! Just like mine!" She let out a manic giggle. "Isn't it great?" she repeated. "I know you're great." She giggled again.

 _Is Marinette_ flirting _with me?_ Adrien thought perplexedly. _Or Deafener, I guess. That must be it. Whatever Hawkmoth did to her obviously made her crazy about me, in addition to just plain crazy. I wonder what she was akumatized over, anyway?_ Out loud, he said, "Oh, no, I think you're mistaken. I do have a Chinese lesson this afternoon. Why do you think I don't?"

"I know you don't ! After all, I have your entire schedule memorized, and it doesn't say anything about a Chinese lesson." She giggled some more.

"You have my schedule memorized?"

"Of course I do! Don't you? How else was I supposed to know that your afternoon is free?" More giggles. Seriously, at this rate, _he_ was going to go crazy before Ladybug got here. Still, he might as well play along until she did. As Adrien, there was no way he could outrun an akumatized person long enough to transform. He just had to stall until Ladybug arrived and distracted Marinette long enough for him to get away.

"Very well, Mar - Deafener," he corrected. "What do you want to do?"

"Oh, I'm so glad you asked! First we'll -"

As she outlined the afternoon with what was practically a minute-by-minute schedule, Adrien looked to the rooftops. _Hurry_ _ _up,__ _ _ _Ladybug.___ _ _ _ _I'm____ _ _ _ _ _not_____ _ _ _ _ _ _sure______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _how_______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _much________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _more_________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _of__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _this___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _I____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _can_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _take.______________

Deafener floated peacefully in the stormy seas. Or was it Marinette? No, it was definitely Deafener. Marinette belonged to the air and sunshine, whereas Deafener belonged to the darkness and water. She couldn't even remember why she would want to be Marinette, to fight the waves, when sinking below them was so much better. No more fighting, no more pain, only blissful basking in the gentle warmth that was Adrien's presence. No, wait, warmth belonged to Marinette, didn't it? Deafener only had coldness and darkness and loneliness. She felt an unexpected pang of sadness, and a desire to be _her_ again, to be able to embrace the light and warmth and make it a part of herself. The oppressive, smothering water started choking her once more, before she remembered. Marinette didn't have the warmth. Marinette didn't _have_ Adrien. And all the drowning was worth it, as long as _he_ was there.

As the afternoon wore on, Adrien found that he was actually enjoying himself. After all, if one ignored the garish outfit, and the giggling, and the fact that she was overall definitely crazy, Deafener actually acted a lot like Marinette. The afternoon she had planned was definitely better than hanging out in his room by himself, and if he ignored the weird, almost creepy, romantic elements, it was actually a lot of fun. Adrien felt guilty for relaxing when one of his best friends was under Hawkmoth's influence, but he told himself there was nothing he could do until Ladybug arrived. She did seem to be taking a long time, but after all, Deafener hadn't hurt anybody, and, while people were giving them strange looks, 'Adrien walking with a strangely dressed girl' was hardly newsworthy. (The Gorizilla episode would beg to differ, but I'm ignoring that. Speaking of, I realize I've also been ignoring the fact that Adrien _has_ a bodyguard, and that he probably wouldn't let all of this happen, but... I WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO! I REGRET NOTHING!) It was quite reasonable to assume that Ladybug simply hadn't heard about the akuma, and that's why she was taking so long. Besides, Cat Noir wasn't there either, so he couldn't very well complain that his partner was taking her time.

Somewhere else, though, someone was growing impatient with Ladybug's continued absence, and he wasn't taking it quite as well as Adrien was. "Grrr, where are those accursed heroes? What's the point of making supervillains if they won't even bother to show up!" Hawkmoth decided to "help" things along, and force Ladybug and Cat Noir to show up.

Deafener continued her blissful floating, but her euphoria was interrupted by Hawkmoth's irritated voice.

"Deafener, I have held up my end of the bargain, now it is time for you to repay your debt. Cause some mayhem and bring Ladybug and Cat Noir to you!"

A brief flash of panic went through her at those words. She didn't know why, but she knew that she didn't want that to happen.

"And what if I refuse?"

"Gah! What is with you and resisting me! Do what I say, or I will strip you of your powers!"

Defender frowned. She didn't want to hurt anyone, and she really didn't want to fight Cat Noir or Ladybug, _Ladybug? That's important, isn't it?_ but she couldn't afford to lose Adrien. She sighed.

"Very well, Hawkmoth."

 **Well, that's chapter 2! Please let me know what you think! Constructive criticism is more than welcome. I haven't really had much writing practice, and I feel like some of these paragraphs didn't flow very well. Any tips on how to improve my writing would be great!**


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